What I wish I had said to the angry man in McDonalds

Yesterday I had the joy of spending the whole day with my youngest daughter. She was well overdue for some one-on-one mummy attention, and to start our day I told her that we could go to breakfast at the restaurant of her choice. She is five so she chose McDonalds.

My local Maccas has the distinction of being known as have the slowest service in South Auckland, and yesterday was no exception. The staff looked very busy but no one was seeing the fruits of their labour, or the McMuffins of their labour for that matter. However, I was very aware of the fact that I was starting out on what I was hoping to be a lovely day with my little girl, so it was not hard to see waiting longer than expected for our breakfast combos as rather insignificant in the scheme of things.

You’ve got to pick your battles. Sure the service was terrible, but I’m not going to let waiting for a bagel ruin my day.

I was able to put this into perspective, but I could tell that some of the patrons were not. Tensions were rising. The natives were getting restless.

One man in particular was quite vocal about the fact that he was not happy that his family’s order of four hotcake combos had taken seven minutes. Fair enough.

This guy had a very kiwi look about him. Short shorts, tank top, tattoos on his arms, unshaven, beer belly. One of the Bush Whackers basically. He was there with his lady friend and two kids who looked very respectable, around the ages of 12 and 10.

He made his dissatisfaction known to everyone. So he received an apology from the manager, but apparently the apology she gave was not good enough. (I wonder what type of apology would satisfy for such an indiscretion?)

I did not hear what she said, but I’m guessing it was something like “I’m sorry” which in his words – ‘was not good enough’. Apparently he knew that she ‘wasn’t really sorry’ and she ‘should be ashamed her herself.’ (We obviously have very different views on what is worthy of shame.)

At this point the Maccas Manager and surrounding staff began defending themselves, saying there is nothing more than could do but say sorry.

Then he broke loose yelling profanities and racial slurs. Like great Maccas staff – they actually did the same back, but they were certainly not as experienced in being profane as the Bush Whacker was.

Not a great start to Mummy-Daughter Day to say the least. In that moment,  the thoughts that tend to race around your head were doing sprints around mine. Should I step in? What should I say? What will he do to me? Would I just make it worse? What will my little girl think if I do? What will she think if I don’t?

In the end all I could do was shout out asking him to watch his language. His lady friend was not impressed with me and told him so, but they quickly walked out of the restaurant. It was all over in seconds – well apart from the 7 minute wait that caused the situation.

For a few minutes afterwards I had running in my mind all the things that I could have said to this man – but now I can’t. But hey – I have a blog! So here is what I wish I had said to the angry man in McDonalds:

“Excuse me. I understand that you are angry. I completely agree with you that the service here is shocking, but your behaviour right now is far surpassing it. Don’t you realise that the way you are behaving and the language that you are using, including the blatant racism you are displaying is taking away from your valid complaint. Do you not own a thesaurus? Because trust me, there are plenty of other words you can use to express your anger.

But also, consider what you are getting yourself in to such a state about. You are letting a long wait for hotcakes ruin your mood and your morning. Breakfasts here are not even that good! Certainly not good enough for you to allow waiting for them to have this effect on you.

But the worst thing about what you are doing is that you are doing this in front of my child. I don’t know if you have noticed – but this is called a Family Restaurant – and you may behave and speak like this in your family but I certainly do not do this in mine. And if what you are doing right now is acceptable to you – I challenge you to look at the faces of the children you have brought with you this morning. I can tell just by looking at them that you have sent them on a journey from embarrassment to fear, and you have not even taken the time to check in on them. That is what you should truly be ashamed of.

If you do not care about what these kids think of you and the impact that you are having on them, then do you know what you represent to me? Everything that is wrong with South Auckland.

Why don’t you gain some self-respect and become a role-model for these kids? If you can’t do that, then at the very least, if you are ever in this situation again, remind yourself not to let a seven minute wait for hotcakes turn you into such a disgrace.”

In my imagination he would then be in tears thanking me for making him see the error of his ways. Yet I know that there is no way that a man like that would have let me say all of this. But what if he had? We’ll never know.

The Irish Politician Edmund Burke said, “‎Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” That has been on my mind since yesterday.

It is interesting to me that I would have challenged the Bush Whacker to behave differently if this situation arose again, because that is the same challenge that I walked away with.

I regret not saying more. I just didn’t think quick enough, plus I had my little girl with me so it was probably wise to stay out of it.

Hopefully someone will say this to him one day. That is my hope for him and for all of the people like him in South Auckland. That will take a very good person being very brave and thinking very fast – faster than me anyway.