Making a difference

Like most children , I went through a  phase when I really wanted to be famous. A big reason for that was because I loved to perform. I loved the idea of people looking up at me adoringly on a stage. But for a long time what was most appealing was the thought that even after I  was gone from this good earth – I would be remembered. I had a huge fear of death – but mostly I was afraid that my life would not matter.

The thought of roaming about the planet for 80 odd years and not being remembered terrified me – and the only answer to that in my eyes was fame. A song can last forever, well after you’re gone.

The flaw in this plan is that the pages of all the magazines in the world are filled with tell-alls of people who are not remembered fondly. I love reading history, biographies and autobiographies. Even a good E! True Hollywood Story has its own allure. But who wants to be remembered for some of the things that the “rich and famous” are remembered for?

Lady Diana was probably  the most famous and loved person of my generation, and yet she is still the topic of scandal,  gossip and rumour.

So as I got older I realised that there was a better way to be remembered, and that was by ‘making a difference’.

The problem with trying to make a difference is that it feels too big. I don’t feel special enough to be able to make a difference in the world, my country, or even my community. I’m not brave enough, smart enough or talented enough for it.

I’m not trying to be self-deprecating. I possess the right level of self-belief. I’m just being realistic.

Malala Yousafzai

I read about Malala Yousafzai, the Muslim girl from Pakistan who was shot by a Taliban gunman because she knew that she, and all Muslim girls have a right to an education, and she raised her voice accordingly. I am more than double her age and she is already braver than I could hope to be – and she was already an inspiration before she was shot.

We have many people in our midst who are heroes in their own way. People who see a need and a way to meet that need. Sam Johnson, the organiser of the Student Volunteer Army in the aftermath of the Christchurch earthquakes, is just one great Kiwi example of this.

There is so much that needs to be done in my neighbourhood, especially for children. We all know by now that there are kids in New Zealand who are in desperate need of a hero. I’d love to think I could be that person  – but I wouldn’t know where to begin! Some days it is a struggle to be a hero for my own kids, let alone anyone else’s.

Mahatma Gandhi

One day I may have the opportunity to make a difference on the scale of Malala, Sam or the other great heroes of history. I am still open to that possibility. Afterall, you never know the impact that your words or actions may have. Something I say or do could help someone else to change the world – hopefully for the better. But the reality is that the majority of us won’t have that impact.

In fact, many of us will be forgotten in a generation. That is the thought that at one time terrified me, but does not scare me at all anymore. That changed for me on the day that I had my twins. It is hard to explain, but when they were born, I just started to feel that as long as I do right by them - nothing else matters. And if I do wrong by them, nothing could make up for it.

I have reconciled myself to the fact that I will screw my kids up in some way. They will blame me for some quirk in their behaviour – but I am also certain that the good that I am doing as their mum, is far outweighing the bad. I know I am biased but they are wonderful human beings.

I don’t see myself as being the type of person who has a made-for-TV movie made out of my life. So much good is achieved and lost in a lifetime anyway. The only positive change that could last longer than me, that I can see myself making, is through my kids.

So what if by some miracle later in life I end up winning an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony) – or even better – Britain’s National Television Award. It will all mean nought if I have not actively shown love to those closest to me – my wonderful husband, my adorable children and my loving friends and family. The difference you make to those around you is what is important.


Nelson Mandela

I am reminded as a write this though that Jesus said, “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.” 

This could be perceived as being comparable to the challenge to make a difference in the world – too much of an ask. But it doesn’t have to be. This might surprise you, but  I don’t have to travel half way around the world to find people who do not like me.  They are everywhere!

Don’t feel bad for me because I’m sure that the same goes for you.

What this means to me is that every day, I have the opportunity to love those who love me – which is easy. But I also have the opportunity to love those who don’t like me, perhaps even hate me – and who I wouldn’t mind avoiding like the plague either – which is extremely hard .

I’m not going to pretend that I am always able to do both. In fact most of the time I don’t even want to try. But the days where I can do both, are the days I know that I am making a better world in my own small way. Perhaps if we all focused on finding ways to love both groups of people – the ones who hate us and the ones who love us – we really would make a difference. Just a thought.