My Week in Tanzania: Days Three & Four

Catch up on Days One & Two

Day Three
I have always thought of myself as someone who has an appreciation for the hard task ahead of our ADP staff. Now I know that I was not even close to comprehending the difficult issues they face.

This classroom is now too unsafe to use. 

Today we went to one of the Primary Schools in Luguru. The noise of hundreds of children is such a happy sound. Yet some of them were in classrooms with no furniture, some of the buildings were so unsafe that they were unusable, and instead of having the 49 toilets they require, they had 3. But there were bigger issues than what could be seen.

The children were moved to this classroom,
where they have no furniture.
The class that was in this room now meets outside. 

Only 40% of children in the community attend school and of those, only 50% finish primary school. Children are kept at home to work or look after other children, girls are given over to early marriage and boys have to take cattle to other areas in dry seasons.

We also went to a shallow well, which was not shallow at all. It was deep and dangerous. There, I learnt that the women are the lionesses of these communities. They collect the water, cook for their families and care for the animals. The men are busy – busy getting drunk. Alcoholism is a big problem. Men drink for pride. Men who do not drink are stigmatised.

The "shallow" well.

How do you change a culture? A mind-set? A tradition?

You can build a school but how do you convince families to send their children to school and not to work?

You can build wells, but how do you convince husbands to share the burden with their wives?

I cannot even convince my children to eat all their vegetables.
 

Some of the wonderful people of Luguru

But I see hope. My hope is in the people – in the community leader who has mobilised people to build and plaster classrooms at the school, because he says that the children in his community deserve better, and he has done this without WV’s help.

It is in Elizabeth, the midwife who has worked in the clinic in unbearable conditions for 10 years.

Volunteers hard at work in Luguru

It is in the attitude of so many of the men and women I met who want a better life for their families and are increasingly becoming brave enough to change.

My hope is also in the World Vision staff I have met in the ADP. They are incredible. They know the families and have gained their respect.

 

Some of the incredible staff in Luguru ADP

They have already faced struggles in visiting families to register children and dealt with suspicion that they would be taking the children away, even sacrificing them one day. The process of gaining the trust of the community has been a very long one, and it is ongoing. 

The heart of development is not about buildings or programmes, it is about people and I believe in the people of Luguru.

Not once have I felt like crying over their plight because they are not helpless. They are intelligent, hard-working, and ready to work even harder to change their communities. And they have to be so brave to do this, because this requires taking a risk.

We are asking farmers who have been growing cotton, rice and maize for generations, to try growing millet and sunflowers which is drought resistant. That is so easy for us to ask, but if the crop fails, it is the farmers and their families that will suffer. So our staff have a massive task of growing the confidence in the people they are working with, but they also require grace to allow the people to make their own decisions.

I believe that the staff at Luguru ADP can do this though. They are highly skilled and clearly love this community. They tell me with real conviction that they want Luguru to be the best ADP in the world. I believe they are on the way to making this a reality.
Find out more about Luguru on WVNZ's website

Day Four
We met the ADP manager for Budekwa for a short time the day before. He seemed very flat, no energy, even sad. Something was up.  We eventually realised what was going on when he informed us that there are only two staff in the ADP as of this week. Everyone else had moved on or been made redundant as part of the process of transitioning more responsibility to the communities.

Although this makes sense for an ADP that is one year from closing, it was clear to see that this was a man mourning the loss of his friends, perhaps even experiencing some survivor guilt. We feel so blessed to be here to encourage him as he embarks on this important final year. As we get to know him more he cheers up, laughs and jokes a lot. As he shows us around the community, we see what a capable man he is. We know he can finish this race well.

It is so encouraging to go to a place like Luguru, at the very early stages of the ADP, and then go to Budekwa.

Esther, one of the Well Management Committee
members, infront of one of the 120 wells in Budekwa..

I think of the shallow well that I saw just yesterday, and compare it to the one I have seen today. This well is safe, beautifully cared for and one of 120 in the area. The shallow wells the community once used are now only used for washing clothes and feeding animals.

Water is life. Having access to clean water means that the children do not get sick so often, which means they can go to school, which sets them on a path to a much brighter future.



Another contrast with Luguru is the pride on the faces of the women who are part of the community group responsible for raising the funds to help build and maintain the well.

“We are taking this well somewhere else”, we joke. “Over my dead body” they respond. “You can come and try out the well but you better take your shoes off!”

These women are proud and feisty and I love it.



Me, giving one of the wells a try,
with my shoes off of course

I compare them to the women of Luguru who, when asked, sounded so uncertain as to the difference they could make. In 15 years it would be great to go back and see if the women of Luguru develop the same confidence as these women of Budekwa.

I also saw the community in action through the local mill. Farmers do not have to travel to a mill far away. They can mill their crops locally, and the mill’s profits go towards caring for vulnerable children, particularly orphans, ensuring they are able to go to school.

These are great examples of the community helping themselves. World Vision just has one more year to help them – and then we can get out of the way.
 

The lovely Elizabeth

It was a truly great day that ended on such a high note. We met Elizabeth, a 16 year old sponsored child. This girl is a stunner, Her favourite subject is biology and she would like to be a nurse. The only sadness in meeting her was when she told us that she had not received anything from her sponsor since she was 10, even though she wrote to them every year. In her words, this made her feel terrible. We have to find a way to encourage sponsors to write to their children that does not make them feel guilty, but also does not sugar-coat the reality of the impact this has on children who send annual reports and greeting cards to our sponsors every year, but receive no reply.

However, with the brightest smile on her face, Elizabeth spoke about the changes that have come about in her community through World Vision’s help – from furniture in schools, to child rights – she covered so much in just a couple of minutes.

Once again though, it wasn’t just what she was saying – but this girl who was the triumph. In an area where it is common for young girls to look away when speaking to adults, particularly men, she spoke with such confidence, grace and hope. When I look at Elizabeth I see the bright future in store for her and the other children in her area, a future that would not have been possible without the help of World Vision and Kiwi sponsors.

Elizabeth is the symbol of success for Budekwa.
Find out more about Budekwa on WVNZ's website

 

My Week in Tanzania: Days One & Two

Day One

I started working for World Vision when I was 17 – 3 months after I finished High School.

An NZ Herald article from
my first year at WVNZ

It was only supposed to be a short-term gig while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. At first that seemed to be working out, as I left 9 months later to study, but I was back just over a year later, diploma in hand.

I am now 33 years old, married with 4 children, and the pattern that I started at the age of 17 has continued. I have come and gone from World Vision for study, travel and babies.

Over the past 16 years of my life, 12 have been spent at World Vision New Zealand.

Since I have been around so long, a lot of the people I work with have often been surprised at the fact that I have never travelled to the field to see World Vision’s work in action. To be fair, I was never in a role that required it, so it was not something I resented. I also did not feel that I needed to see the work for myself because we have a lot of excellent people who do that on my behalf. However, I did have the desire to see WVs work for myself “someday”.

Well “someday” has arrived. I am writing this in a hotel in Bariadi, Tanzania. I was honoured to be selected to represent WVNZ at the closing ceremony for Nkoma ADP.

I feel like I have been travelling for a week just to get here. I have travelled as far as Scotland – but I have never felt further from South Auckland.

Being in Africa is so surreal. Probably because I am seeing for myself what I have been hearing about for nearly half my life.

We drove three hours from the airport to the hotel and I quickly discover why WV needs sturdy vehicles. It is a rough ride most of the way. My eyes were wide open the whole time. I did not want to miss a thing. (Apologies for the Aerosmith reference.)

There are people everywhere! They are walking along the roads, herding cattle, riding bicycles and motorbikes. I kept wondering - Where are they all going? Where have they been? What are they doing?

Tomorrow I will be going to Luguru ADP. This ADP is so new that no children are sponsored as yet. I feel completely open to what may be in store. Although I also feel apprehensive. I am supposed to be advising the staff on filming Child Greeting Videos. What if I don’t do a good job? What if I cannot answer their questions? What if it is just too hot to work?

My biggest fear is how much this trip will change me. I have seen people come back from trips like this and they have been so impacted by what they have seen that they are never the same. I can be scared of change – as evidenced by my employment history.

Bob Pierce - The founder of World Vision

Bob Pierce, the founder of World Vision, prayed for his heart to be broken by the things that break the heart of God. I don’t feel brave enough to pray that right now. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that I prayed that when I was younger and braver – so I fear that God may remember that prayer and answer it.

When I first became a mother I struggled with working for World Vision because suddenly every child was not just some poor child overseas. They were Lily, Melody, Abbey and Nathanael. I didn’t see strangers anymore. I saw one of my babies.

Although I found a way to deal with that, I am afraid of being overcome tomorrow when I go into the communities. What if I look at these children and start crying? That will be completely inappropriate. So I have decided to set the bar low. If I can get through the day without crying or accidently offending someone then the day would be a success.

Day Two


WV staff show the twins
their Child Greeting Videos

It is strange to think that only yesterday I felt like I was on another planet, because today I learnt that whether you are from South Auckland, or Bariadi – everyone is the same. I saw so much to remind me of home.

For starters I met a pair of twin girls who are fraternal, just like mine, one is considerably taller than the other, just like mine, and they have a sister who is two years younger, just like mine. When we asked if we could film their Child Greeting Video, they said yes, but not in what they were wearing. They wanted to put on some nicer clothes. What child does not want to look their best on camera? When they appeared in their best clothes they looked so lovely.  Later we met a mother who we wanted to film, and she exclaimed,  “You can’t film me wearing this!” I love that. I love that we are all the same.


The Luguru Dispensary

Unfortunately the contrasts in a place like this are startling, none more so than in the dispensary. This supposed clinic is made up of three rooms – one for seeing patients, one for giving vaccinations, and one for the mothers to give birth in.

Today pregnant mothers were coming to the clinic for their check-ups. 100 pregnant women arrive at the clinic every Monday. There are 7 staff who help to deliver at least 20 babies each week and care for all the mothers. They would like to have 12 midwives, but there is nowhere in the area for them to live.

Only 40% of women give birth at the clinic, but they face appalling conditions. There is no incinerator, and even though the women were speaking Swahili, I clearly heard the term ‘placenta pit’.

Most shocking of all is the fact that the clinic is lacking the most basic necessity – water. Women have to bring their own water to the clinic when they are in labour. How can this be a clinic if there is no water? This is incomprehensible.

Elizabeth, the Head Midwife, has worked
at the Luguru Dispensary for 10 years.
She is overlooking the site for the new Health Centre.

Change is coming though. We were shown plans for a new health centre that will hopefully be built in the next year. Several agencies are contributing to this centre, including World Vision and the government. But the most meaningful contribution is from the community. Every family will be making a contribution towards building the centre.

In the past World Vision would have seen the situation at this clinic and built the health centre ourselves. However, that makes it a ‘World Vision’ Health Centre. The community has no ownership of it. Having every family in the community contribute tells them that this is not our health centre – it is yours. World Vision will leave one day, but you will always have this centre.

The children loved looking at themselves on my phone and taking photos with me. (I might have liked it a bit too!)

Britain's Panel People...

Over the past couple of years I have made a lot of new friends. They are a group of people most of my loved ones know very little about. Amongst them are Noel, Jimmy, Lee, Sarah, and my bestie - David. The sad truth however, is that I only know them through the glory of YouTube - as they are all regulars on British panel shows.

I love British comedy, but I love British panel shows even more. I must admit that there are many reasons not to like them. They can be very crude (even offensive), I probably have very different views than the guests on them, and you often see the same people over  and over again on the shows anyway. But inspite of all that - I love them.
I have tried to analyse why this might be and have come up with a few plausible reasons:

• Perhaps it is because I can just have them playing in the background while I'm making dinner as they don't require too much attention.
• Perhaps it is because the humour can be biting, silly, sarcastic and intelligent. (Like me!)
• Perhaps it helps me keep in touch with what is going on in Britain, because I am a fan of most things Brit and hope to go back there one day - even if it is to retire.
• Perhaps because each panel show can stand on its own. I don't need to have seen last week's episode and it doesn't end with a cliffhanger leaving me desperate to find out what happens next week. (I stopped watching shows like that after the first season of Lost.)

But the simple fact is that I love these shows because the people on them are very, very funny, which makes them very, very likeable.

Through YouTube, I have been introduced to so many comedians at their best. Some of my favourite panel show moments are not when questions are being answered but when the guests are free to banter amongst themselves. You could argue that the banter is the whole point of these shows, not the questions.

I read an article a while ago declaring that it was time to put a stop to the numerous panel shows. But when I read this week that we will soon have a brand new show hosted by my all-time favourite panel show regular - David Mitchell - called 'Was it Something I Said' I could not help but feel a sense of excitement at the thought of another panel show to add to my YouTube viewing. Yet I am very aware that so many people do not know the joy of the panel show, so here are my top five to get you started:

1. Would I Lie To You
I am starting with my absolute favourite. Would I Lie To You is hosted by Rob Brydon. There are two teams - one led by Lee Mack and the other by David Mitchell. The reason this show in particular stands above the rest in my mind is largely due to the chemistry between these three, but also their individual moments of brilliance.  (Which is why I avoid the first two seasons as they were hosted by Angus Deaton. Not a fan.) 
The premise is simple - someone in the opposing team will read a statement and the other team asks them questions to determine whether the person is telling the truth or a lie.
It has a broad appeal as it is 'PG', as opposed to the 'AO' shows further down the list.
I have so many favourite moments that I was tempted to give you a whole episode. But this is probably my favourite moment from all seven series so far. If you only check out one show on my list make it this one. So here you go. You're welcome: Would I Lie to You - Kevin Bridges

 

2. Never Mind the Buzzcocks

The title of this musical panel show is inspired by the Sex Pistols album Never Mind the Bullocks. 26 seasons have aired in 17 years. I first started watching it when it was hosted by Mark Lemarr, who was replaced with guest hosts for a season before Simon Amstell took the helm for four seasons. Since his departure a new guest host is featured each week. Hosts have varied from David Hasselhoff, Martin Freeman, Neyo and a plethora of Brits. However, in my opinion the addition of Noel Fielding as a Team Captain has made this show must-see YouTube viewing.
Although there are set rounds - including the Intros Round, the Identity Parade and Next Lines - the show often reflects the anarchy of its namesake.
No musician is safe from the jibes of the hosts and guests - even if they are on the show at the time. The opportunity to mock the B and C list guests is embraced, which surprisingly has only led to one walk-off.

Here is a clip of Josh Groban appearing in series 22. It is a great example of how this show combines music and humour, and provides an opportunity to see some celebs in a new light. (By the way, if you like Josh Groban as a guest, be sure to check him out as a host. He is surprisingly great.)

 

3. The Big Fat Quiz of the Year

The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2011

This show does what it says on the tin  - it is an annual quiz, shown every December celebrating the year's events, and is hosted by the funny and controversial Jimmy Carr. There have been some specials (the Big Fat Quizes of the 80s, 90s and Noughties) but usually we have to wait for the end of the year to enjoy this hour and a half quiz.
Three pairs of Brit celebs and comedians make up the teams. Once again, it is the chemistry and banter between everyone that makes this show great.  Frequent guests have included David Walliams, David Mitchell, Jonathan Ross, Noel Fielding and Russell Brand. This snippet is from last year's Big Fat Quiz of the Noughties.

4. Room 101

The title of this show is inspired by the torture room in the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. It is the perfect show for a grumpy raver like me. Celebrity guests are invited to discuss their pet hates and try to convince the host to consign them to 'Room 101'.

Originally this show was a one-on-one interview but was revamped to the panel show format in 2012. Obviously as a panel show fan, I believe that it is all the better for it. Check this out to get a small taste of Room 101.

5. 8 Out of 10 Cats
Another Jimmy Carr hosted show - this time one that usually starts with looking at the events of the week, not the year. To be honest, my favourite episodes of this show are actually when they have been mashed together with another classic British show - Countdown, for their 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Specials.
Normally however the show uses statistics and opinion polls as the basis of its questions. This show is full of moments when you'll laugh and then say to yourself, "I probably shouldn't laugh at that!" (Not surprising, with Jimmy Carr leading the charge.)
They do not shy away when even the host is the subject of one of the weeks main talking points either. Jimmy Carr got himself into a bit of trouble in 2012 when it was discovered that he was using a legal loop-hole to pay only 1% tax. Gary Barlow from Take That was criticised as well, but as Jimmy Carr has taken the piss out of the government a lot (although to be fair - he takes the piss out of everyone), he got most of the attention. Including, as you'll see in this clip, from his panel show team captains.

 

So that's my top five - and it doesn't even include the great classic panel shows; such as QI, Have I Got News for You or the inspiration behind 7 Days - Mock the Week. Although they have all been known to make me giggle every now and then as well. So if my top five don't do it for you, try those ones out, and keep looking because no matter what your humour - there is a UK panel show to suit everyone.

I Swear

Contents may offend. Proceed with care.

My 8 year old twin girls have a new catchphrase. It is “What the H?”

Not “What the hell?” or “What the heck?” They actually say “What the H?”

I think they started off saying “What the heck” but were convinced by a family member that this was just like saying “What the hell” which is bad apparently.

It is funny to hear their first innocent attempts at swearing. I know it shouldn’t be funny, especially as a mum who is trying to set a good example for her kids.

Swearing can be a bit of a grey area though, and I’ve never read any advice about it. People just have different standards and make up the rules as they go along - like parenting in general really.

It was not a grey area when I was a kid though. It was a completely no-go zone. My mother could really display her wrath if we dared swear. (Even when I innocently asked her what a particular Samoan word meant.)The irony was that one her favourite movies is Beverly Hills Cop. Who can blame her? It’s a classic - but it contains several F-Bombs.

Recently my dad sheepishly confessed to me that he swore in front of my kids.

“Oh dear!” I said, feigning shock. “What did you say?” (That is – “What can I blame on you later?”)
“I said ‘bloody’” he confessed.

“Oh, is that all.”

Little did he know that his two year old grandson was saying “What the f@#k!” at one point after a certain Huz, I mean a certain person said that in front of him. Even though it is hilarious hearing a toddler say “What the f@#k” - I realise it is also completely wrong. (So please stop judging me.)

The rules and standards around swearing continue into adulthood and like a lot of things, it can be linked to childhood. I have a funny story to illustrate this. (Brace yourself.)

I don’t really say ‘f@#k, as in my upbringing it would literally result in having your mouth washed out with soap.
(By the way, I don’t know why I bother typing ‘f@#k’ because we all know that when you see ‘f@#k’, you are not reading ‘F-at sign-hash tag-k’. You are reading, well we know what you are reading. But I will keep up the polite pretence.)

So as I was saying even though I don’t often use that word, there is another word, that I did not hear until I was an adult, and I didn’t realise that some people find it even more shocking than ‘the F word’. Not until I encouraged someone to tell a story that involved this word.
"Tell the c@#t story!" I said.
I really made an impression.

The word that I find most hurtful is ‘bitch’. I have been called that twice in my adult life (to my face anyway) in very different circumstances and both times it felt like a knife to the heart. Strangely though, I don’t have much of a problem hearing it in movies or on TV, so it is not the word itself that is offensive.

On a similar note, I barely find the word ‘shit’ offensive at all. But I do not want to say it around my kids.

When it comes to ‘the F word’ there is definitely only a certain number of times I can hear it in a movie until I feel like my ears are being polluted. I call that the Beverly Hills Cop Barometer.

The phrase that I find most offensive is when people use ‘Jesus Christ’ as a swear word. When I hear that, I secretly whisper “Is Lord”. However, I often say “Oh Lord” so what is the difference? Well, in my heart I know that I am actually crying out for help, but I suppose other people may not know that, others may think I am swearing. So does that mean I should stop saying it?

So you see, it is quite complicated this swearing business.
When does a swear word become a swear word?

Is saying “What the heck?” really as bad as saying “What the hell?” because the intent is still there? If that is true then I am doomed to failure. Some of my favourite phrases would be treated as swear words because instead of the stock-standard curses, I revert to a long list of alternatives; which include Crickey Malikey, Monkeys, Jeez Louise, Scheisse, Crap, Fudge Nugget, Buggery Bollocks and more.

When I swear, I am usually stressed and these words and phrases kind of cheer me up in a weird way. Are they that bad? Ok Buggery bollocks is pretty bad, but are the others really that bad?

I long time ago someone challenged me regarding this very subject.

I said “Oh fudge!” in front of a lovely Christian girl who then said to me, “Why do you say that? Don’t you know that it is just as bad as the other word because of the way you’re saying it?”

Being far too cheeky for my own good, I replied, “You’re right. Oh fuck!”
It turns out she was wrong. “Oh fudge” was much better.
She was not amused but I thought it was funny as H.
 

 

When the cat's away...the mouse has no life

This week I have had the pleasure of being able to do a 'Macaulay Culkin'. Not the person you understand. Not someone like that person either. Crap let me just rephrase.
 
This week I have been home alone.
 
My four little ones have been away with their amazing grandparents (I have to say that to try and get them to take the kids next school holidays). Anyway, as I was saying, the kids have been away with their unbelieveably incredible grandparents while The Huz has been away for work.
 
Now you would think that when a fun and vibrant young woman is given a week to herself she would make the most of it by catching up with friends, tinkering around the house, perhaps taking time out to spoil herself with a massage or some shopping. I am certain that a fun and vibrant young woman would do that.
 
I did not.
 
I am a sometimes fun, often tired 33 year old woman. I know that's not many years - but I feel each and every one of them. And quite frankly, this time away from my family has been terrible for my self-esteem.
 
As a working mother it is so easy to blame the messy house, the loss of friendships and the lack of time for yourself on the kids. So a week on my own should have been the perfect opportunity to get a life.

But my week has been filled with work, more work than usual actually, and I am kicking myself over the lost chances to do the things that I complain about not having time to do.
 
The house is still a mess, I have not been to the gym this week, and the only friends I have seen are the ones I work with. Not that that is a bad thing, but I have only seen them at work. There have been no after work drinks or dinners. There has been NO going out and having fun!
 
Perhaps these things don't actually happen. Perhaps TV and movies and even friends have been lying to me. Maybe I have been carrying around the mistaken belief that when I go home I am missing out on something.
 
The thing is I have been married since I was 19 - that is 13 years of my short life. I would not change that for the world but it does mean that I do not know how the other half lives.
 
The other half being singletons. Or even couples without children for that matter because I have not known that life for over 8 years.
 
My assumption (and perhaps fantasy) is that after work these people meet up with friends at a different place each night - perhaps your friend's place, perhaps your's, perhaps the newest restaurant. Or even 'your place' that you guys always hang out at. You know the one. You've got your own booth. The staff know your names and your drinks. Last Christmas you even hung out their till the early hours sharing stories, laughter, gifts, eggnog and there wasn't a single child around to ruin...Sorry the fantasy is going too far. Moving on.
 
Perhaps after dinner you go to a concert or a comedy show. Or you just go home to your lovely, clean, streamlined, trendy house and have a bubble bath with a glass of wine before going to bed so you can get up early and go to the gym.
 
That is the life you single people lead right? It's probably even better for you young childless couples because you get the sex as well. And you're allowed to be loud. Bastards.
 
So you can imagine my dissapointment at the week I have had.
 
I went to see Iron Man 3.

It was great.
 
The end.
 
But wait  - that is not the end because don't even get me started on the food side of the week! How the heck do you cook for just one person? I have been living on crackers all week!
 
I know that at the heart of this problem is poor time management.
 
I could have easily got myself organised and arranged to have dinner with friends, planned a special meal just for myself and gotten a facial. But instead I worked a lot, did not clean the house, baked a cake for my wonderful workmates (I had a lot of love stored up that needed to be released), watched a lot of YouTube and wrote this blog.
 
The week has flown by and at the end of it I am left with the knowledge that my lack of social life and my messy house is my own fault and no one elses. How dare that family of mine get me to come to that realisation! They will be in so much trouble when they get home, which will be pretty soon. And it won't just be them walking through the door. They'll bring with them all their luggage making the house even more messy, their dirty clothes for me to clean, the peace and quiet will be scared away by talking, fighting and screaming, and any time to myself that I was able to appreciate will be gone!
 
They are all back tomorrow. I can't wait!
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

What I wish I had said to the angry man in McDonalds

Yesterday I had the joy of spending the whole day with my youngest daughter. She was well overdue for some one-on-one mummy attention, and to start our day I told her that we could go to breakfast at the restaurant of her choice. She is five so she chose McDonalds.

My local Maccas has the distinction of being known as have the slowest service in South Auckland, and yesterday was no exception. The staff looked very busy but no one was seeing the fruits of their labour, or the McMuffins of their labour for that matter. However, I was very aware of the fact that I was starting out on what I was hoping to be a lovely day with my little girl, so it was not hard to see waiting longer than expected for our breakfast combos as rather insignificant in the scheme of things.

You’ve got to pick your battles. Sure the service was terrible, but I’m not going to let waiting for a bagel ruin my day.

I was able to put this into perspective, but I could tell that some of the patrons were not. Tensions were rising. The natives were getting restless.

One man in particular was quite vocal about the fact that he was not happy that his family’s order of four hotcake combos had taken seven minutes. Fair enough.

This guy had a very kiwi look about him. Short shorts, tank top, tattoos on his arms, unshaven, beer belly. One of the Bush Whackers basically. He was there with his lady friend and two kids who looked very respectable, around the ages of 12 and 10.

He made his dissatisfaction known to everyone. So he received an apology from the manager, but apparently the apology she gave was not good enough. (I wonder what type of apology would satisfy for such an indiscretion?)

I did not hear what she said, but I’m guessing it was something like “I’m sorry” which in his words – ‘was not good enough’. Apparently he knew that she ‘wasn’t really sorry’ and she ‘should be ashamed her herself.’ (We obviously have very different views on what is worthy of shame.)

At this point the Maccas Manager and surrounding staff began defending themselves, saying there is nothing more than could do but say sorry.

Then he broke loose yelling profanities and racial slurs. Like great Maccas staff – they actually did the same back, but they were certainly not as experienced in being profane as the Bush Whacker was.

Not a great start to Mummy-Daughter Day to say the least. In that moment,  the thoughts that tend to race around your head were doing sprints around mine. Should I step in? What should I say? What will he do to me? Would I just make it worse? What will my little girl think if I do? What will she think if I don’t?

In the end all I could do was shout out asking him to watch his language. His lady friend was not impressed with me and told him so, but they quickly walked out of the restaurant. It was all over in seconds – well apart from the 7 minute wait that caused the situation.

For a few minutes afterwards I had running in my mind all the things that I could have said to this man – but now I can’t. But hey – I have a blog! So here is what I wish I had said to the angry man in McDonalds:

“Excuse me. I understand that you are angry. I completely agree with you that the service here is shocking, but your behaviour right now is far surpassing it. Don’t you realise that the way you are behaving and the language that you are using, including the blatant racism you are displaying is taking away from your valid complaint. Do you not own a thesaurus? Because trust me, there are plenty of other words you can use to express your anger.

But also, consider what you are getting yourself in to such a state about. You are letting a long wait for hotcakes ruin your mood and your morning. Breakfasts here are not even that good! Certainly not good enough for you to allow waiting for them to have this effect on you.

But the worst thing about what you are doing is that you are doing this in front of my child. I don’t know if you have noticed – but this is called a Family Restaurant – and you may behave and speak like this in your family but I certainly do not do this in mine. And if what you are doing right now is acceptable to you – I challenge you to look at the faces of the children you have brought with you this morning. I can tell just by looking at them that you have sent them on a journey from embarrassment to fear, and you have not even taken the time to check in on them. That is what you should truly be ashamed of.

If you do not care about what these kids think of you and the impact that you are having on them, then do you know what you represent to me? Everything that is wrong with South Auckland.

Why don’t you gain some self-respect and become a role-model for these kids? If you can’t do that, then at the very least, if you are ever in this situation again, remind yourself not to let a seven minute wait for hotcakes turn you into such a disgrace.”

In my imagination he would then be in tears thanking me for making him see the error of his ways. Yet I know that there is no way that a man like that would have let me say all of this. But what if he had? We’ll never know.

The Irish Politician Edmund Burke said, “‎Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” That has been on my mind since yesterday.

It is interesting to me that I would have challenged the Bush Whacker to behave differently if this situation arose again, because that is the same challenge that I walked away with.

I regret not saying more. I just didn’t think quick enough, plus I had my little girl with me so it was probably wise to stay out of it.

Hopefully someone will say this to him one day. That is my hope for him and for all of the people like him in South Auckland. That will take a very good person being very brave and thinking very fast – faster than me anyway.

Life's a Beach in Auckland

I have great memories of the beach from my childhood. Every New Year’s Day my family would travel to a beach over the shore (it wasn’t till I was in my teens that I discovered there were beaches closer to home). We would leave home at 9am and get home at 6pm. Each year the day had such a routine that it is all merged as one in my memory. Packing magazines, books, cds or tapes and a walkman, laying out the towel, having a swim, eating lunch – probably with sand in it, playing in the sand, having another swim, going for a walk, going home. This was quality time in my family and I loved it.

I have been lucky enough to have been on a few beaches around the world. Some of the best were in Barbados. On this amazing island there is an ocean for every type of beach-goer. From large waves to completely flat. It was in Barbados that I discovered that not all countries were like NZ, and if you happened to wander onto them and make yourself comfortable, you soon found people coming up to you asking for payment. It shocked this Kiwi that it is common practice in other parts of the world that you have to pay to go to the beach – or to use one of the chairs.

I was amazed to find that one of the most beautiful beaches I have been to was in England. Beaches in the UK conjure up images of cold, stones and pebbles. But this was certainly not the case in St Ives in Cornwall. This was a significant place to us as it was where the hubby’s family originally came from, and so it appropriately was the first time that our baby twins had been to a beach. And what a beautiful beach it was! Golden sands, clear blue ocean, green surroundings. It was like the little Kiwis got a taste of home in what was actually their ancestors’ home. I really liked that idea.

My worst experience on a beach was on a Spanish Island. The one week holiday was wonderful. It was mine and the hubby’s first trip overseas with our baby twins. We did what seemed like the very Brit thing to do, which is purchase a package holiday at a lovely resort, but being Kiwis we wanted to explore the island as well. That is how we ended up on a beach. At least I assume it was a beach. There was sand, but we could not see the sea. The reason for this was that we were sitting on chairs that were in the fifth row back from the water. All the rows in front of us were full of people.

I could not understand it. All these people were at the beach but could not see the ocean – and they were ok with that. Beaches are supposed to be relaxing places but this stressed me out. I was angry that I could not see the water and I was angry at the hundreds of people on the beach who clearly thought that this was normal!

I went to the beach with the hubby and our four today. We went to Maraetai. I have heard people grown when I mention this beach. Not a happy grown either. The grown is usually followed by references to how busy it is.

I loved it.

Today is January 2^nd so most Aucklanders are still on holiday, and nearly all of them are at a beach. This made me love it even more.  I don’t think you could find many beaches in the world where you are surrounded by so much culture. Just in our area we had Indians, Asians, Fijians, Samoans and Europeans. A walk down the beach found many more cultures.

There were some people their just with their immediate family – like us, while others groups numbered up to 30 people.

The variety was not only evident in nationalities. Some people were just lying out on towels, while others had enough mats out to cover a small house. Some people had brought small tents to get some cover from the wind and sun, while others looked like they were in for the long-haul, with massive tents, tarpaulins and marquees. A group close to us was like that. They had created swings in the trees with platforms to fit up to three kids. They had brought a massive barbeque as well, and with the toilets not far away, I wouldn’t be surprised to find them still there tomorrow.

Along the beach you could run into people playing rugby, cricket, soccer, flying kites or just throwing a ball around. One group was even taking turns throwing themselves around – picking each other up one by one and throwing each other into the ocean.

This is the City of Sails so there was obviously a lot of fun being had in and on the water. Today I discovered that yet another of my children is a water baby. My three year old boy was absolutely shivering in my arms, but would yell at me when I started to walk out of the water.

As I looked at my family, and all the other families on that beach I realised what an incredible day this was. It was like everyone in Auckland was happy, certainly everyone on that beach was. All the kids were creating memories that will last them a lifetime – and hopefully the adults were as well. I know I sure did.

What I came away with though was not just a great day spent with my family, but an appreciation for this great city I live in. I escaped the fast-paced rat-race of London seven years ago with the hubby and twins. As much as I love that city and hope to visit it again one day, I am glad we chose to settle in Auckland.

I know that many NZers see Auckland the way I see London, but in comparison it is really just a medium-paced mouse-race, if that. Today on that beach with five hundred other people, I felt completely relaxed and at home, wearing jandals and sharing the shade of a pohutukawa. And I didn’t even have a latte, and most importantly, I could see the ocean.

Maraetai Beach